Just to prepare ya'll, this is mostly a religious rant (I know, so not like me, but remember that religious theme I told you has kept popping up since I've arrived in Spain? Well it's come back for another round...), so sit back and get comfy. :)
Friday September 30 I left with Lauren to Antequera for a weekend of fresh mountain air, games, meeting new people, thoughtful conversations and (in my opinion, a bit too many) bible-loving shenanigans. But overall I'm glad I went! :)
WARNING: The following paragraphs/ most of this post contains my opinion about religion as I experienced it that weekend and my thoughts on it now (with of course, some humor thrown in). If you are easily offended, can't laugh at religion, or are not open to reading another person's opinion about religious thought without feeling the need to defend your own religion, kindly skip to the very last paragraph/ following post. Thanks! :)
So Friday evening we met in front of a church somewhat close to my piso with three other girls and one boy to wait for a man named Andy to come pick us up and take us to the camp. Pretty crazy that we got into a car with some stranger who was taking us to the woods in a foreign country... but hey, I guess that's what religious folk do- trust in the goodness of others. (Hell, I do that and I'm not even that religious!) And they were all nice enough upon the first encounter. :) So we all chatted for the hour car ride to the camp and learned a lot about each other. Andy at one point even pointed out the fact that we all got into his car after just meeting him and now we were driving through the woods in the dark. haha! No worries, family!! Andy is a guy in probably his mid-thirties, married with three little ones (who are extremely intelligent for their age, but we'll get to that later) and has been very active in the christian community since his university days.
Now, to briefly explain what this camp was basically about... It was the kick-off to the school year and the group of christian university students who are highly active in the church. Students from universities in Málaga, Granada, Sevilla, Córdoba, and Cádiz were there, and I think there were about 100 of us. So it was a big mix of young adults who are all extremely passionate about Jesus. It was actually kinda cool to be there as an outsider looking in. When we arrived that night, we ate dinner and then played a murder mystery game. We were divided into groups and had to interview other students who were acting as suspects in the murder mystery. Fun, but all in spanish so it was kinda hard to follow once I was tired... Then we went to our little room. We all had bunk beds in little bed rooms. Lauren, Mihaela (a super sweet girl we met who is studying in Granada from Romania. She speaks english really, really well, so we spoke mostly in english at night with her only cuz we all could express our feelings so much better in english than in spanish), and I talked until kinda late... Then we had to be up super early in the morning to start the days activities.
(Saturday, October 1, 2011)
Saturday was packed with activities: Bible-reading, a lecture by a preacher, an hour of silence, small group activities, games, siesta time, worship, and workshops (aka. more bible reading)...
The hour of silence was great for me because it gave me a chance to think about what it is I do believe in, and what it is that I just don't agree with in the church. At the end of the silence hour, a wonderful spanish girl, Nazareth, came over to me and we had a nice conversation. I told her that I believe there is some sort of energy out there that is bigger than us, but I just can't imagine one person creating everything that our planet and universe has to offer. There are just too many intricate details that would be so hard to foresee... and for that reason, it is difficult for me to believe in a God. She was supportive of my opinion and shared hers as well, stating obviously that she thinks that the intricacies are proof of a God. The thing that blew me away this weekend was hearing all these young adults talk about how strongly they believe in God and all his teachings. To be my age and already seem to have it all figured out while I'm just wandering down the road searching for something that seems right, was incredible in and of itself to witness.
My favorite part of the weekend was the worship hour (believe it or not!). However, worship here was different than I am used to. Worship consisted of a girl playing drums, a boy playing the guitar and singing, two girls on violin who also had incredible voices, another girl on guitar, and a girl playing the keyboard, while the rest of the group stood in the room dancing and singing and clapping... I think it must have been the music that acted as the key to unlocking me at this point. I actually almost stepped out of the room on saturday because I felt so overwhelmed by emotion... the sense of love that was buzzing so heavily in the air was wonderful to be apart of, but I wasn't expecting it. I just had a moment where I felt totally overcome by emotion.
Later that night I had a really good conversation with Lauren. She was very supportive and always made me feel not so 'outsider-ish'. (Because, yes, I did notice a change when people would ask me "so what church do you belong to in Granada?" and I replied with my whole "weeelllll, I'm not actually religious but I'm here with Lauren because I'm curious and still figuring things out" spiel...) She told me that if I had any questions, I could ask her and we would discuss whatever it was that was on my mind. So we did. After the workshop of bible-reading, I explained to her that one of the main reasons I don't feel comfortable with a christian religion is because christians rely so heavily on the bible and I just can't believe that the stories in the bible actually happened in real life. (I mean, c'mon! Who feeds 500 hundred people with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread and STILL has 12 baskets of leftovers after everyone has been satisfied!!?? If you ask a Christian, they'll say Jesus. If you ask me, I'll tell you it's a story in the bible, and where?, I couldn't tell ya! ...I know I'm no mathematician, but I know that doesn't add up!) But Lauren proceeded to tell me that she does believe all the teaching/stories in the Bible. It was really interesting to talk with people who do have this strong belief. My only question for them is "Why?", "What makes you so certain?". I mean, how do we know a group of old men in white sheets didn't get together in some dark cave near the Red Sea waaaaay back when and compile a bunch of stories on papyrus, thinking 'ha! This'll be the best hoodwink of all time!' (though probably in completely different lingo)? Some of it's just a bit too far fetched for me. (again, that's just my opinion. I have absolutely nothing against people who do believe everything the Bible tells them. If that's what you want to believe, then have at it! I'm happy if you're happy.)
In some sense I guess I could be seen as an atheist, though I would never except that title because I do believe in something bigger than us (just what that 'something' is, I don't know). But sometimes I wonder if everyone only believes in God or feels the need to follow a religion in hope of reaching a heaven or glory-land or those 'big pearly gates'... Think about it, the only people who can tell us if its worth it or not, are not reachable my any means of communication that exists on our planet (unless of course you believe in psychics, but that's a whole different rant). But if it takes people believing in and following a religion to be good citizens of our society and do good for others because that's what "God has taught them," then I'm definitely not going to be one to complain. So I'm choosing to be content in my state of wonder and thought. I don't feel the need to choose one religion to follow, but rather pick and choose the ideas that I think are interesting and true for me. One day that may change, but as of now, I'm happy without a title.
One question that Lauren asked me that really struck me was something along the lines of "Where does Love stem from? What created it all?" I think she was trying to point out that Jesus is the root of all love, but in my mind, I disagree. I've never met Jesus and he may be a great guy, but how can I say Love stems from someone I don't even know? I have, however, been extremely fortunate to know and have an incredibly amazing family as my support system. (Quick definition of 'family': Not only a reference to my immediate family but also to my extended family and those who have always acted as part of my family without necessarily have the shared blood line to have the 'title'. Just wanted to make that clear to you all.) So my Family has taught me all I know, and above all, how to love. Example: I have been studying abroad for 2 months now and I have never stopped feeling the Love of my family buzzing around me, almost as if I were still home. Now tell me, how is that possible? I don't know. But I'm guessing its something like the Love that people feel from Jesus. Maybe I don't feel the need to search for Jesus's Love because I've been fortunate enough to have such a strong sense of Love from a different source, a source I consider to be my everything. A source that gave me life, literally (my mother and father), and a source that has raised me to be the person I am today; a source that has supported me in all the decisions I've made and continue to make (both good and bad), and who has loved me unconditionally since the moment I began growing in my Mama's womb about 21 years ago. I've never been judged in this family and have always been told the words "I love you" accompanied by a warm hug and (sometimes wet) kiss. ;) I've been raised knowing I am loved by the people who surround me though physical contact and direct speech. And the best part is, I actually get to live my entire life celebrating every day and all my actions and emotions with these people. I don't have to wait for a dream to hear their voices, nor for death to reach those pearly gates, that may or may not exist, to be fully happy, fulfilled, and loved. I already am. <3 So where does Love stem from? Easy, My Family.
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| This is what I woke up to: Fresh air and the sun rising over the mountains in SPAIN!! :) So beautiful... |
(Sunday, October 2, 2011)
Sunday we had a few more activities before loading up and heading home. I'm thankful that I went on this trip, despite initially being nervous, and thankful to Lauren and the people there for letting me share in their religion for the weekend. It was something that helped me form more solid thoughts about what I do believe in. (In case you haven't noticed, I basically live and breathe family and love as the basis for all things. ;) haha)
Andy drove us home again and this time his two little ones, Judith (5 years old) and David (3) were in the backseat. They both speak english and spanish fluently!! (And I mean fluently... I was amazed!) At one point Judith calls to her father from the backseat "Música, por favor!" (haha sound familiar, Mama?) and I chimed in saying "Sí, música, por favor!". Andy said, "okay, but its children's music". I didn't mind, I figured, 'cool. I can hear what children's songs sound like in spanish!'... *dot dot dot*... boy was I wrong! For the next hour we listened to children's christian/ christmas music in ENGLISH and I literally felt like I was in a movie; one of those scenes where the odd ball out is sitting the back seat of a long road trip squished between the crazy family members that are singing Kumbaya the whole way, non stop! But hey, I survived... I was just exhausted and SO ready to be in my piso when we got back. :)
Sunday night, after returning, my italian piso mates invited me to go get Tapas with them. So rather than doing homework as I had originally planned (I know, so unlike the shadow of 'me' that exists in SB), I went out for Tapas with all the crazy Italianos I am now friends with. We celebrated of one of their birthdays. It was fun.
More on the second week of school in the next post... And congratulations if you made it this far! Sorry for my long rant about religion, but I did warn you at the beginning. :) Sending you my love, un beso muy grande.
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